oceans

I sat with the hot sun beating down on my skin, the cool sand laced in between my toes, my eyes peaked out from under my large straw hat. I looked out at the surroundings of happiness, laughter, and good vibes. Young children feeling the ocean against their legs for the very first time, others building sand castles, girls sunbathing, and those riding the waves, it should fill me with happiness.   My mind was wandering other dreadful places though, as anxiety filled me the light flashed before my eyes. The laughter of children turned into ear-piercing screams, the sun became a horrific weapon, while the wind swept my hat away. Breath after breath, I was losing myself, my heart could not keep up. *focus, breathe, focus, breathe, focus* I felt like I was going to explode, sinking into to the cool sand I was searching for something to focus on but nothing would help me relax. Children's screams of joy, talking, laughter, birds...no..no..no...while I am gasping for breath everyone else is enjoying themselves. Fighting for air, I feel something wet roll down my cheek, I must not lose myself, I need something to focus on. Why do I have to be like this? Suddenly, I am able to focus for a split second I hear the waves of the ocean again. They are slowly crashing against the sand, my mind latches on to the sound of something uncertain but relaxed. I hone in on the gentleness that is gracing my ears and direct my brain to think about oceans. Slowly but surely things start to calm down, the sunlight is no longer like a blinding strobe light, the screams are no longer there but I only hear the ocean. My cheeks are stained with tears yet they are not pouring from my eyes as before. I take many slow deep breaths as my heartbeat slows.  My mind and body begin to mesh again as I come back, my vision becomes clear.  I find the shoreline with my eyes, then every part of me is filled with ocean as my legs carry me to the edge of the water. The waves gently crash upon me as I reach the water, I unexpectedly feel at peace. I realize the waves crashing against me were started by a small ripple at some point, by some small being who did not think they were making a difference. This person must have been filled with such peace and happiness to have reached me just when I needed it. I want to radiate this feeling back into the ocean of the world so it will ripple and reach those who need it.
                          Written by Sarah